Horse, Horse, of Course, of Course

Usain Bolt watch out man, you've got some competition on your hands. Horses are one hell of a natural athlete. Perhaps Usain used to be a horse in his past life, he is a big lad now isn't he.

People see horses on the TV, but isn't it incredible to own a horse of your own. You might say, ok well I'll own a Tiger cub or Elephant if you can do that. It's becoming the zoo I tell you.

Owning a horse is like owning a big baby (sorry no nappies here). You've got to feed them, and feed them….and feed them; clean them, yes they roll in the dirt for such a big animal and they can shake hands with the pigs; dress them up like your baby doll or action man (isn't that cute), but that's no doll or action man thank you very much; and here's the one, exercise them, which is mixed emotions believe me.

Forget the aerobics class or boot camp, you and the horse are it. Riding a horse is at times in-between driving a car and those mechanical bull rides or rodeo; from smooth sailing to woooooooooo. The thing is, a horse is an animal, not a machine, remember the elephant man - 'I'm not an animal, I'm a human being', and so, they can act out of order to, here comes the buck. What about those funny names, trott, canter and gallop; these names sound like sipping fine wine, because you have to be fine man to handle a horse. Now if this is all too much for you, there are the….you know what, those boring horse trail rides; poor horse, poor you. These horses can't wait for some action, but they are stuck with a rider who thinks a horse is a toy, of course, of course, or second hand car. These horses just wait for a rider to say, 'why can't we go any faster?'; believe they want to, they want to run and buck and nay and that's enough of that.

It seems the women tend to get a horse, or course, of course, more than the women. Perhaps the horsies are too bloody huge and make the men feel intimidated - 'he's not as big as me', I mean they do have awesome physiques, the horses I meant, sorry dude. Maybe men don't have the temperment to handle the horse, of course, or course. Could you imagine the bitch fight (let's not go there); it's either a Rugby Union forward on forward or a Mike Tyson-Evander Hollyfield boxing match (don't bite the horses ear now guys). Then again, Italian Stallion, no not Rocky; let's just say…these horses really are the man - 'oh my God is that his….'.

Then there's horse-racing. It's amazing how the jockeys keep these huge beasts under control; biiiiiiig voice, smaaaaaaall voice. The thunder of the horses' feet sounds like Thor has slammed down his mighty hammer - 'go horsey go'. The jockey is like a kid who has got lost at a fair and landed on one hell of a beast, an extra-terrestrial and the horse is the spaceship. Perhaps we were jockeys in our past lives, really are a jockey or jockey-in-training or have a nickname jockey, how do you know? Go on a merry-go-round and what is the first thing you go for, the horsey - 'I want to go on the horsey, the horsey'. Me horse, of course, of course.